Disappointment~Friend or Foe?
Why is it that the dark little head of disappointment always creeping up over my shoulder everytime I turn around? Is it that I have too high of expectations of people and how I think they should act and treat me or that I am completely oblivious to the reality of the situation at hand? I have a tendency to make a situation what I want it to be in my head. I play it out over and over again in my mind, the situation that would happen to show up out of coincidence and be completely unexpected and perfect......except for the fact that its not unexpected at all because I'm sitting around expecting it to happen, and then when it doesn't......I am again left in a state of disappointment.I am taking complete responsibility for these feelings......esspecially since i'm pretty sure that the person causing the constant disappointment, doesnt even know that they are on a candidate for it to me. How is it possible to feel such strong feeling about something for so long and continue to ignore it....or try and shove it aside....talk myself out of it....And then inevitably an ounce of hope will come about very unexpectedly........ and then when I find that what was hope to me was merely a good conversation or unitentional actions or words to the other party. I'm not so sure that the heart strings can take much more of this. I know that when something is one-sided, there is obviously little or no hope for something to change, and all the disappointment is simply a result of over-analyzing and selfish girl ambition.
Luckily I do know that I have a Hope that is not false and that will never disappoint, in the Lord. This is such a small incignificant issue that i'm sure in 6 months will not be anything but a faint memory and regret. This morning as I was dwelling on this issue and trying to figure out how I let it get to the point of rattling my heart and emotions so much I listened to a Nicole Nordemon song, "Small Enough" ~ "Oh Great God be small enough to hear me now.......Just wanna know that everything will be alright......Tonight is heavy and I cannot keep from whispering this prayer...Are You there!? And I know you could leave writing on the wall that's just for me, or send wisdom while i'm sleeping like in Solomon's sweet dreams, but I don't need the strength of Sampson or a chariot in the end....just wanna know that you still know how many hairs are on my head......Oh Great God be small enough to hear me now."
While I am praying to our Great God who can indeed make himself small enough to help me with my petty problems.......I also pray to our great God who is large enough to part the Red Sea, Walk on Water, and Move Mountains......for my friend Kim who's dad is slowly but surely dying of Cancer. The doctors have given this sweet man 2-10 months to live and so Kim and her family are just praying for a miracle.....but knowing that the head of their household and the man they all love so dearly could be taken away from them at any moment. Kim's mountain sized faith and Huge Expectations of the Lord are SO encouraging and having the privelage to pray for her during this time has stretched my faith in so many ways. Praying for her has reminded me that we dont pray to change God...we are able to pray to change ourselves....stretch our faith and glorify God in the process. What a Wonderful Maker we Love and serve.
posted by Amanda Michelle Morrison @ 1:30 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home