Say won't you Say

Leading with my Heart Again

Leading with my heart again, I don't know if I'll lose or win, but I'm leading with my heart again...Putting my mind on hold, I could be risking my very soul, but I'm putting my mind on hold."~Alice Peacock



I really don't understand why I continue to do this to myself. I feel like God has shown me time and time again something and I just choose to filter what I want to here Him saying to me rather than what is actually being shown to me So clearly.........So for me, The Lord has to literally throw it in my face and make it hit me where it hurts for me to get it. Not to say that the Lord wants me to hurt, but I think He tries the subtle signals, gentle whispers approach and it takes something more like Intense Shouting for me to actually get it through my head. I'm sick of it and I am done though. As hard as it is for me to separate my head and my heart, Now is the time to learn because I know that it will only get harder from here on out. Although I feel as though I just receive a very rude awakening, it's hilarious to me that its not the first time. I am feeling repeats of the awfulness that I allowed myself to feel the first time this happened and swearing that I wouldn't let myself feel this way again. But I guess that just goes to show a couple of things, one: I have very little self control when it comes to my emotions and when I get my mind set on something I take it seriously and let it get way out of proportion. And Two: I am hard-headed and refuse to see something for what it is.

I feel like the Lord just sits up there shaking his head at me saying" you silly girl, I tried to tell you, You'll just never learn will you" ~~However, I know that it is the opposite, I know that He doesn't want me to hurt and be disappointed and that He ultimately wants me to have His very best and my deepest desires and longings of my heart and soul to be fulfilled; just not in my way. I am actually very thankful for this long awaited clarity, because now I can just place all of those feelings into areas of my life of much more worth and get things in my mind and heart " back to normal", whatever that means. One thing that I know the Lord has blessed me with are the elements of Hope and Faith, and I have so much of it in regards to the fact that the Lord is control and I believe that He will do what He says He can do and that He won't leave me in this temporary state of bewilderment, but He will continue to make me strong in Him and all I can think to say right now honestly is, "Ok, so what's next, What now?" And maybe not today, but very soon I know He will show me and I'll be just fine. Knowing all of that, I think I still need to take today for what it is and let myself feel what I feel and not beat myself up for that. In the mean time ~~~~"Wait on the Lord, be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart!"~Psalm 27:14

posted by Amanda Michelle Morrison @ 3:39 PM