Say won't you Say

I Don't Wanna Be....

This week has flown by! It feels like fall retreat was yesterday when it was actually a full week ago! It was so fun by the way. It wasn't so much a spiritual awakening for me, as a restful restoration time. Women's time was Absolutely wonderful. Amy, the speaker talked about how lately her walk with God had felt like she was on a tight rope, holding on tight to Jesus merely for fear of falling, but that she wasn't going anywhere with Him, she was just holding on....I admittingly have felt this way 99% of the time since Ive been back from Summer Project. Jesus is there and we are ok, but I'm not running with Him, i'm just holding on....which is not where He wants me to be, or where I should want to be. So it was refreshing to hear that a woman who is clearly in a very different stage of life, married with 3 kids....can have the same struggles as me a 21 year old, senior in college, single. I was encourgaed to say the least.

My very talented friend Josh Thomas Bronlewee did an amazing job playing 2 Gavin Degraw songs on the piano at our homecoming talent show this past wednesday. He won his division and we were all so proud of him!!! I am one of his biggest fans for sure!

Emotionally its been a weird, rough week for me. I'm having to deal with situations and feelings that I havent had in a long time. I'm figuring out for the first time in my life some things about us as women that we all have in us, that I hate. We are manipulative and we feed so greatly off of the attention that we recieve from the opposite sex. We think we know what we want, and then we change our minds. We think we dont want something and then when it starts to go away we want it back. Notice that all of this is nothing less than selfishness, and completely about feeding my needs and wants, and I know that is not how the Lord would have me be. I know that my hope and confidence is in the Lord and Him alone. My actions and words this week in dealing with certain situations would not prove this true in my life. I'm just now figuring out somethings about my heart and character for the first time, and I have to say some of it is not so fun and I've been more dissapointed in myself this week than I have in a while.

I know what I don't want to be.....I just need to continue working on what the Lord does want me to be.

posted by Amanda Michelle Morrison @ 11:43 AM